AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
