Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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