I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
