I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
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I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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