Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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