actually, I'm a sock model
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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