VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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