I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
