After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
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And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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