Got a toothbrush?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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