Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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