He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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