Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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