are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
