i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
