Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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