her facebook's as public as her vagina
we're making bets on your personal life
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
