Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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