yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
