I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
50% drunk capacity currently
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
