I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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