just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I smell like Dick and happiness
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
