he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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