I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
