I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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