Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
