gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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