My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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