just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
