This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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