He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
