I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
