She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
