This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
