the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
All I want is dick and wine.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
