My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
