Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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