He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
