A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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