Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
