he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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