Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
