I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
