you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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