my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
