after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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