sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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