he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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