She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
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I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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