the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
