one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
