yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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