if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
