So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
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laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
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I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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