I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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