so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
