The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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