it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
