I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
