i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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