I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My vagina is officially offended.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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