Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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